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When my child is expressing anger towards me and I don’t have the capacity to hold them in it, my nervous system will perceive them as a threat.

When I haven’t met my own needs and they’re expressing theirs, they becomes like an enemy to my unmet needs fighting over the lack in resources.

My natural parent instinct is to protect my child but when my nervous system simultaneously sees them as a threat, I’m caught in an inner conflict.

This inner conflict can either explode outwards blaming my child or inwards, shaming myself for having these feelings and reactions towards my own child.

❄️ Shame activates the immobilization / freeze instinct in me, shutting down my ability to act or think logically as well as my social capacity. From this place I cannot attune to or meet my child’s needs, nor my own.

➡️ I am no longer capable to be present with them and check out, dissociating or distracting myself. It gives them the imprint that expressing anger, which is linked to expressing their needs and boundaries, leads to disconnection.

💥 My anger / fight instinct might get activated to protect me against this perceived threat and I might raise my voice at them to make them stop.

➡️ this would scare them and activate fear in them, which would shut their expression down to protect them from my anger. This gives them the imprint that expressing anger leads to punishment.