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As human beings we communicate to each other all the time, not just through words.

Someone even said: ”We cannot not communicate”.

Meaning: Even when we think we’re not communicating cause we’re not talking to each other, the silence or our actions still communicates something to the other.

So much of that communication happens on autopilot or subconscious patterns, conveying things to you that I might not be aware of or intend to.

The people pleaser in me says what I think you want to hear, I withdraw cause I don’t have myself figured out atm or talk nonstop to convince you of my view without taking in yours.

What you hear from me then might be that I don’t care about your needs, have lost interest or have no space for you.

When in fact I just wanted to make you happy, protect myself from judgment and prevent you from leaving me.

I might even start assuming that you can read my thoughts because you know me so well by know.

When you can’t, I get resentful and blame you for not getting what I need without me having to tell you.

Any of this sound familiar?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

We all do this, yet still wonder why we do not feel heard by the other.

The thing is, I cannot be heard by you if I don’t give you a chance to hear me.

Meaning: I need to communicate what’s really going on for me for you to be able to get me.

With that I take self-responsibility for my part and invite you to do the same.

Wait a minute…I sense some resistance.

Why should I be the first one to reveal myself, you might be thinking.

Well, someone needs to be the one to do something different for things to change.

And what if you could see this not as a sacrifice, but as an offering?

You revealing yourself vulnerably as an offering to the relationship. An offering on the altar of Love.

It is also an invitation for the other to reveal themselves too.

This is how we shift the downward spiral into an upward spiral.

Instead of reinforcing old patterns and the mutual frustration of not being heard, we reinforce healing when both get to be heard.

This is what the new relational paradigm is all about.


Curious as to how to do this?

Check out one of our latest episodes called ”Intentional communication” in the series ”Entering a new relational paradigm”, where we share our favourite communication practices.

You find all past and upcoming episodes on Idas podcast on Spotify: ”Somatic Relating” and Rouvens Youtube channel: ”Evolutionary integrity”.

Also: If you want to be an active part in shifting our relational paradigm through your own relationships as well as supporting others, check our the upcoming ”Evolutionary relationship coaching training”.

You can still access the Super Early Bird price if you apply and set up a non-binding discovery call with Rouven to find out more.

Let’s together bring in intentionality, trauma awareness and needs orientation in our relational culture!

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