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Relearning relationship

Are you aware of your core wound?

That experience you made in a relationship early on in life, a relational trauma that still impacts you and reoccurs like a common theme in most of your relationships.

You know the moments when you feel like you’re in a deja vu, experiencing the same dynamics or conflicts in every relationship you enter.

For me it´s an underlying vigilance, waiting for the other to leave me at any moment and even when they´re with me wondering: “do you really want to be here with me?”

I have developed some quite interesting coping mechanisms over the year that kick in when this wound is triggered: like shutting down to numb myself to potential pain, disspearing in phantasy world or becoming passive aggressive against my partner to test their comitment.

This came from my dad “dissapearing” suddenly & unexpected when my mother moved with me to Sweden and he stayed in Germany when I was around 3. I still saw him a few times a year, but he no longer was a part of my every day life which for a small child equals dissapearing.

Today I am in a relationship with a man who lived in … (gues where) … when we met. That´s right, he lived in Germany and me in Sweden, so history quite litterally started repeating itself through our long distance relationship.

At this point there was part of me that doubted if this was really such a good idea and sometimes collapsed into victimhood, sighing: “why do I keep attracing unavailable men?!” - Anyone recognize that one?